THE BANALITY OF EVIL: WAIT, WAIT, DON’T TELL ME EDITION
Ever since Hannah Arendt revealed, contrary to Dante, Milton, and God, that evil was boring, we have been treated to a seemingly endless parade of “so banal they’re evil” candidates for worst people ever. Now we are confronted by Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me and I think that the argument is over.
Now, I will not argue that Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me is worse than Hitler, but I don’t think anyone will dispute that Hitler was more entertaining than Wait, Wait. Hitler fascinated the world for over fifteen years with his ambition, savagery, and funny mustache, and he’s fascinated us for many decades since, as the exemplar of “Oh, shit, he did what?” The Boys From Brazil was a bestselling novel and blockbuster movie of the 1970’s, based on the premise that Nazi scientists had created a whole plantation of Hitler clones in a remote South American locale. A farm full of Hitlers! We thrilled to the concept! But, in terms of sheer boring-ness, how much more terrifying would a farm full of Wait, Wait host Peter Sagals have been! How much more terrible! Yuk! Or even a farm full of frequent guest Tom Bodetts, who I’m sure is nice in person.
Yes, Hitler and his pals were evil, but if evil equals banality, they really can’t compete with Sagal, Bodett, Paula Poundstone, et al. And while the combined forces of goodness stomped down the Axis 75 years ago, the perpetrators of Wait, Wait commit their infamies every weekend, wholly unopposed. Boy, are these guys bad! Not only are they bad – they’re getting away with it. If it was plausible that anyone would ever pay for a ticket, I would suggest that this would make a good premise for a horror movie.
I will not claim that Wait, Wait is wholly without merit. If, for instance, you don’t have the time or patience to talk to your parents, listening to Wait, Wait will tell you all the jokes they would have made based on the news of the day. Moreover, those same jokes will be applauded by an audience – something you would certainly be incapable of doing if your parents made those very same puns and lame insights. Am I saying Wait, Wait is more boring than your parents? No – I am saying that Wait, Wait gets paid to be as boring as your parents. What could be more evil than that?
I wish I could imagine Wait, Wait’s evil host Peter Sagal luxuriating on an evil island somewhere, having evil grapes fed into his evil mouth by evil nymphs. But the truth is I imagine he lives in some perfectly respectable two bedroom apartment in a nice part of Chicago (I don’t know Chicago very well) and somehow that seems much much worse. That he goes home from his awful studio full of awful people sweating through awful jokes to a perfectly fine apartment in a good school district is disgusting. It’s an abomination, right? It’s like we let someone who uses feces for antiperspirant get on the bus with us. It corrupts the simple things we share as a society. It is an insult to the social contract. That is why I am starting a crowdfunding project to buy Peter Sagal a castle on Malta. Not because he deserves it, but so that he can live in a setting that more befits his evil. And maybe, possibly, he’d be a little less boring? It’s like we’re being suffocated by an anthropomorphic snooze button. Hannah Arendt is snoring in her grave.